Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
