yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
