no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
