The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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