Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
