Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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