i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
