toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The adults are the big ones right?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
