That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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