Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
