oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
smell my finger.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
