whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
