Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
