just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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