cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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