I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Too much gin, very little bucket
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
