You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
