She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
