i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
