I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
