We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
