She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
