You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
