I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
