were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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