Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i was born a porn star she said
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
