There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
