I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
