you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The Olympian is in my bed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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