tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
