At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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