Jerry, you need to find god
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
