Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she woke up with a sticky ear
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Couch. On fire.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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