Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
