So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
