I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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