Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
