SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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