I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
