im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
