you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
