don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Pooping to opera.
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