come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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