If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
