First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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