Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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