I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
