Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
