So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm too high and old for this...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
