I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
