Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
