I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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