Buhtt sex?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
