I cannot find my penis.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
