Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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